I'm approaching my 32 week of pregnancy and apart of me is happy but still on edge. 32 weeks is definitely better than 29 weeks but yet it's still not enough. At the moment my contractions have slowed down and are almost manageable. When those little suckers come back I lay on my left side and they go away for the meantime. Doctor Nervous had said that this was going to happen but to be aware that one of these days laying on my left side won't work.
I had an appointment with Doctor Nervous last week and she presented yet more bad news. My cervix obviously hasn't gotten any better but has actually gotten worse. When she told me this news, I wasn't surprised but I felt like I failed a test. I have done everything she had asked me to do. I studied the study guide and made an outline of extra help we will need. I've not held my beautiful daughter, I have sat on my ass for weeks (which by the way my ass has completely taken over my body. Literally huge) but on top of all that I've been resting. Where did I go wrong? What area could have I improved in? I'm feeling defeated.
I looked down in my belly and I said "Hey Kinley, I know your an eager little peanut who wants to come out, but mommy needs you to stay in there for a little longer so that when you do come out your very healthy and can come home with me right away." I hope she was listening to me but I felt no movement so she might have been sleeping or pretending to sleep. This whole experience has really brought something new to our family. When life throws you a lemon you make lemonade right? Sometimes I think (I think a lot these days) that maybe this was meant to happen because even though the situation sucks and is scary it has also brought positive things. I love my husband and he's always been great but before all of this we would have little arguments about who had to do what? who had to clean what? and we were often visited by those three annoying kids named blah,blah and blah.
Things are different now and Wade has shown me he is really there for me "through sickness and in health." The truth is he has always been there for me but you don't see it until something big happens. You see the true colors in people. When things get hard you see what type of people they really are, because they are faced with a challenge that is thrown their way. I feel that moments like these really define "family" he has stepped up to the plate in so many ways and I couldn't be more proud. I almost want to show him off like a trophy and say "yup, this man right here is my husband." As crappy as this is and feeling like were walking on egg shells with this pregnancy we are both able to hold it together. He makes me laugh, he goes out of his way to make me smile when I'm sad, he finds ways to entertain me when I'm bored,he cleans the house, makes dinner, does the laundry, and last but not least still manages to be a great dad to our daughter.
Wade is a motivating person and will support me to the end. He's a realist. I couldn't have asked for a stronger person to be by my side through all of this. I'm honestly blessed to have a beautiful family. I honestly love him more today than I did yesterday but never more than tomorrow. Presley and Kinley you are so lucky to have a dad like this in your life. He would do ANYTHING for you girls!
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